sweaty

It's warm out, but not warm enough to explain all this sweating that's going on from my body.  I guess it might be a side effect of my new medicine, but I've been walking around wrapped up in a light blanket of perspiration for a week now and I could drink the world I am so thirsty.

I've never been on medication to control my moods, but over the last year things have become difficult, life a little more complicated, and the stress a little more stressy.  Vitamins and exercise weren't cutting it anymore and meds have become necessary.  I am a control freak by nature and my reaction to things not feeling right has been to change things around and essentially add more stress until the price of gas is the only thing keeping me from getting into my car and driving away from my life some days. 

There is nothing like a complete breakdown to make you stop it.   And if you're stubborn, there will never be that day when you just recognize that your mind is eating itself and your personality is becoming this dysfunctional volcano erupting its twisted bile all over everything in your life because you're not dealing with your stress.  You'll cry every day and become angry and fight it because you are not a weak quitter who cannot handle her shit!  But when you get to the point where you don't think it can feel any worse, there will be that morning when you find yourself in the emergency room sitting on a cot starting stupidly at a crash cart while your husband explains to the doctor that he found you in the bedroom that morning holding the iron and crying and trying to figure out what the clock means.

That was two weeks ago and I still have trouble believing this is me.