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December 01, 2005



I'm not a mom, and I know zilch about parenting. But I know two things - all those things that make you "a bad mother"? Nope. That's called "normal". No-one is perfect, and a lack of perfection does not equal bad. My mother used to say All The Time that "kids don't come with an instruction manual, you have to break 'em on your own". And the 2nd thing is that if you don't give him some things to stress about he'll just have to find his own; no-one gets out of life alive either way, and I know he'll have a good sense of humor and some perspective that he'll learn from you to deal with his life with.

Whatever happens with this woman, I think it's good that you may well find someone to bounce these things off of, and hear from someone who is there, too, that she feels the same way...


You're harder on yourself than I am! I don't know if it amounts to much, but I think you're great and I really doubt you are a bad mother. No one is perfect, and you know durn well that giving him a wafer to buy you an extra minute on the phone does not make you a bad mother! You're multitasking! He's happy, you get to finish your conversation in peace.


I've never posted on here before.. I'm just a lurker by nature but, when I read this post, I had to say something.. :) To begin with, I am 34 and a mother of 4 boys (scary, I know) and all the things that you mentioned above are very much normal, at least in my household. (not really sure if that was helpful or not.) Mothers are great multitaskers... it's part of the job and from what I've read so far, I think you are a loving and caring mother. This motherhood thing is hard.... but you're doing a great job.

On a side note, I often feel the same way you do about meeting new, let me know how it goes.. Maybe I can get somet pointers from ya..


You are so not a bad mom! None of us comes into this with a playbook. Some moms can get ape shit crazy with trying to fill every possible second of the child's life with some sort of developmental, educational, stimulating, teaching moment. If you don't take time out of your day to chill for yourself, even the meds won't help. In truth, and I had to learn this the hard way myself with our two year old, he doesn't necessarily need you to be with him every second, as much as everything you read and hear wants you to believe. He sounds like a very independent child and this is a good thing. When you take time out for yourself you show him that you are confident that he can accomplish things on his own and that everyone needs down time.
As for the mom friend thing, I have yet to find someone in real life who shares my views, as the few friends I have are childless, but there are some online groups and support folks who read the blogs (I think you read my husband's) and such and their support helps.
Hang in there!


didn't you meet eli at a gas station? why would you be afraid of meeting a good friend at a mothers group?

Zanes Father

Bad mom? No way. I agree with simka and the whole no instruction manual thing. And the one time Amanda left me all alone with Zane in his first year of life was the time he took a header into the kitchen table. Amanda came home just in time to see me holding him with blood flowing down his face - believe me, we had the "am I a bad parent?" talk... It happens to the best of us.

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