Here are some photos from my camera. I take pictures all the time, but mostly in my house because I forget to bring the camera any time we do something interesting. I don't have pictures of Joey's first ride on a carousel horse, sledding in the snow, or playing with another baby at the park, but I do have hundreds of pictures of him eating in his high chair and standing in the living room.
The state of my living room after a day of playing. It’s like living in a toy store. But in the evening, once Joey is in bed for the night, I gather up all the baby debris and deposit it all into a huge deck box in the corner of the living room and our home once again looks like a place where adults live. We bought the deck box because it’s huge and we thought we could fit all the toys in it. Since Christmas the box has become cramped and each night I have to get in there and dig around to reposition the toys and make them stop singing.
This was a gift from my best friend for my birthday. It’s the most random present I’ve ever received, which is why I cherish it. She said she knew right away that I would love it, and the weird thing is…I do. But I don’t know why. And yes, it’s really autographed. Now I’m going to be receiving all kinds of mail from rabid Lisa K. fans and all I have to say is: Don’t bother, bitches, because you can't have it. It’s MINE.
And behind Lisa is the dopest lava lamp in existence. It’s over thirty years old and it still delights me as much as it did when I was a child and I would stare at it on my grandmother’s shelf for hours watching the lava stretch and twirl. I took a picture of it because with a toddler in the house, I can’t guarantee its survival.
Here's my nightstand. I bet you're wondering who that is in the picture. Let's take a closer look:
Jude and Ewan enjoying a relaxing Sunday morning in bed together. I keep this picture by my bed because when I look at it I know that everything is right in the world.
Pipe cleaner animals are my favorite toy. First up we have the spider:
It was the first toy I made, but it was a little boring so I then made a mutant:
This is superbug, technically not a spider, for it has triple the legs and it is also the wrong color. I tell Joey that this is what happens when spiders are exposed to environmental toxins. Or eat candy.
My lunch. Rice, corn and salad. I tried to get Joey to eat some with me but he has developed an almost eerie intuition about healthy foods. He doesn’t even need to taste them to know he doesn’t want them in his mouth. Any time I try to approach him with something healthy, he clamps his lips shut tight before I can get a grain of rice or a piece of vegetable anywhere near his mouth.
This is the sticky hand of a child eating a jelly sandwich for lunch. The default lunch food that always meets baby standards. Usually given after several failed attempts at healthier fare.
The trees in my backyard. I live practically in the woods, which I used to love until my neighbors’ house got broken into and I realized that houses close to the woods make excellent targets for crime.
It has been so warm lately that I was tricked into thinking it was spring. This is my new spring bag I bought the other day when I was out shopping for sunglasses. And of course, the minute I get my spring gear all ready, the temperature drops, the snow falls and I am reminded once again, it’s winter still, jackass.
Okay I found one taken outside of my home.
This is the park down the street where we go to hang out when the weather is nice. Joey ate his first worm here. It is also where he has had many violent confrontations with small friendly dogs who are stupid enough to approach him hoping for a friendly pat on the head, not realizing that toddlers do not pat dogs, they hit them.
I tried to place Joey in the grass and have him sit there while I ran far away to take a picture that would look like he was all alone in a field. But every time I ran away, he would roll forward and start crawling after me screaming, and ruining the effect I was trying to achieve: Happy baby sitting alone in a field quietly pondering the meaning of life.
Meanwhile, the child would happily break his own hand off at the wrist to get away from me whenever we're walking around in a crowded place full of danger. Like the grocery store.
