I ate a fred AND a dino and I'm still not feelin' it

This morning I was torn between several activities I wanted to do at the same time during Joey’s nap. His naps are only a couple of hours long, so it’s important to get as much done as I can while he’s sleeping and sometimes plan too much. I simultaneously wanted to:

a) Read in bed
b) Take a nap
c) Write email to friends I've been neglecting
d) Call my fucking insurance company to find out why they won’t pay for the medicine that keeps me from performing random acts of violence against myself when I am paying them a king’s ransom every month.

I decided to do "d" because although it is the least desirable activity, it is also the most urgent. And I know everyone has trouble with insurance covering their shit beyond well-baby checkups and routine doctor’s appointments, and I am certainly not unique in my complaints but for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND RIGHT could they maybe think about the fact that they’re screwing around with someone mentally unstable with all of their quality dosing compliance denials and insurancespeak bullshit. When the member service operator calmly explains to me that my mind is going to have to eat itself for a few days while they go through the proper channels of faxing here and there and checking in with my doctor for approvals on my medication, I can’t help but scream at her "WHY IS IT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU THAT MY DOCTOR WROTE ME A PRESCRIPTION???" Why do you have to call and fax and confirm and double check? Are you going to try and change his mind? I’m FUCKING CRAZY, do the right thing and stop trying to weasel your way out of paying your share for my medicine.

The last time this happened Eli got involved and I’m not sure how he did it but he had an approval in less than five minutes. I think he explained to the dipshit on the other end what it means when a person needs medicine to control their mental state, and probably went over some of the scenarios of what might happen that could get all of us on the evening news. 

My doctor and I had a talk early on in my treatment about how insurance works when it comes to non-generic prescriptions. This was during the time when we were playing insurance company mandated crazy pill roulette and some of the pills they made me try were making me feel much worse. I was in a dangerous place but I had to go through it to prove that the expensive medicine my doctor wanted me to take was necessary and they needed to cover it because nothing else would work. I asked him what would happen to the insurance company if I were to hurt myself. And he told me that they would not be held responsible because they could claim that even if they wouldn't cover my expensive medicine, I was free to pay for it myself. And if I keep thinking about this and reliving it I am going to break my keyboard out of frustration with the whole situation.

And every time I go over it, and try to make sense of the situation, I start to feel a little less crazy and a little bit more justified in being angry. Not just about my medicine but about many of the things in my life like it that I don’t understand and can’t help because they are out of my control. And I start to think that maybe, just maybe, the problem is a little bigger than my inability to sustain a pleasant outlook without being on drugs.

It seems now more than ever I need to look away from traditional medicine and try to draw on the medical expertise of people who really seem to get neurophysiology. Like Scientologists. Probably they're right and all I need is a big glass of water and a flintstone vitamin every day.

Though I'm betting my mental health that the medical brainchild over at Blue Cross Member Services can come up with a reason to deny a claim on a daily multivitamin.

I realize my last couple of posts have been pretty bitchy, but the medicine thing has me freaking out a bit. Next time I'll tell you about our pediatrician's creative advice on how to stop a toddler from hitting. And in case you're wondering, it is not HIT THEM BACK.

 

Comments

[Zane's Father]

You're not crazy. Well, not THAT crazy - insurance companies are political machines, concerned only about money,not your welfare...

PLEASE tell me how to get a toddler to stop hitting!!!

[jess]

oh i cannot wait to hear the creative advice. i sure could use it over here too!