wow that sucked

Here’s a tip to keep in mind whenever there’s a holiday where you get to be QUEEN for a whole day: Protect the person who will be relieving you of all unsavory duties during your special day and make sure they remain healthy and get proper rest. And especially make sure he does not drink thirty red bull and vodkas at a party the night before.

Eli was so hung over and sick on Mother’s Day that I had to:

1) Comfort the baby all morning when he got scared every time he heard daddy retching loudly in the bathroom. Eli’s hangover was the duration and intensity of a full term pregnancy with daily morning sickness—ALL IN ONE DAY! First he threw up solids, then liquid, and finally, when there couldn’t have possibly been anything left for him to puke up, he was in there hovered over the toilet gagging and choking up air.

2) Venture out during a flood to pick up fruit at the grocery store. Eli promised to bring a fruit salad to the mother’s day cookout, and he also promised me that he would take care of it. But when it was twenty minutes before we had to leave and Eli still had his head in the toilet, I decided I had to either go to the store for fruit or try to make a salad out of stuff we had in the house. After contemplating a delicious raisin, canned peach and black olive salad, I decided to go to the store.

3) Circle the city for 45 minutes like a rat in a maze trying to find any possible route to the grocery store without being blocked by yet another flooded, closed road.

4) Get the baby ready, drag him over to the party in the rain, and then play it off to Eli’s family that he was just a little sick and not poisoned by vodka and probably dead on the bathroom floor lying in a puddle of his own stomach acid and probably bits of intestinal lining too.

We had a party here on Saturday night and it was great fun except for the part where we had to wake up the next morning. I was hung over for all of about one hour on Sunday, and once my headache went away I felt good as new. But Eli was so sick, and scared me so much with the severity of his sickness, that I started making plans to take him to the emergency room. Maybe the fear of medical intervention calmed his stomach, or maybe all the vodka was finally out of his system, but he stopped throwing up by early evening and his face lost the greenish tint and began to take on the more natural, peachy color of a person who is not in liver failure.

So since this Sunday was a complete disaster, Eli feels guilty for ruining my Mother’s Day, and Joey is still too small to understand the calendar, we’re having a do-over next Sunday. And I’ll get to stay in bed until I’m done and then do whatever I want all day long. And all I really want is to not spend the morning hovering over Eli’s head with crackers and Gatorade in between trying to convince Joey that Daddy’s not dying.

Eli has set the standard for special parent holidays, and if he doesn't want me spending the Saturday night before Father's Day in a smoky lounge sucking back Mai Tais until the wee hours of morning, he will redeem himself next Sunday.

Comments

[hubs]

"uhg...i'm never going to drink again"

[sherry]

Oh god. I swear, I tried really hard not to laugh (since my own Mother's Day was somewhat of a bust too) but I failed. I'm not laughing AT you (or, really, at Eli), just at the way you wrote it. Honest.