dirty lake, happy child

We went to the park this morning to let Joey run off some of his energy in the enclosed playground while we sat on a bench and had coffee. And after a little while we had to return to the car to “freshen up” because if there is one truth about life with a toddler it is that as soon as mom gets lazy and decides to leave the diaper bag in the car rather than lugging it all over the playground, the child will crap the diaper. The timing of toddler diaper blowouts can be predicted mathematically as an inverse proportion to how far away the car is parked and how high the temperature is that day. As the distance from the car and temperature of the air increases, time on the playground before a blowout decreases. Though there is a limit to the equation with zero being the moment one steps onto the playground (a toddler will never soil a diaper in the car or at home where it is convenient).

But this time returning to the car was the best thing that could’ve happened because while we were there I overheard a woman who was loading her kids up in the car next to us promising her children that she would take them to the “park with water” that afternoon. Intrigued, I started listening closely for more detail about this “park with water”, but after a couple minutes when it became clear she would not mention the location I had to confess to eavesdropping.

“Hi, um, I just heard you say something about a water park. Do you know of one around here?” 

“Oh yeah, well we have a pool at home but our vacuum is broken, it’s been broken for three days as you can tell by how I look right now, can you believe this (motions to messy hair) I look like this from trying to vacuum…we’re going crazy, oh yeah, so my boys were taking swimming lessons and ….”

On she went, giving me a brief rundown of her entire life for fifteen minutes and just as I was getting ready to grab her by the shoulders and shake the directions to the park out of her mouth she finally told us where to go. When we got back into the car Eli was like, “Hey, you think she’s a stay at home mom?” sarcastically, because the woman seemed starved for conversation in an obviously I’ve-been-stuck-at-home-with-my-children-for-too-many-months-now way. I felt bad for her because I went through a rough spot like that the winter after Joey was born when I became so isolated and cut off from reality that I would stand and chat with the cashiers at Babies R Us for as long as they would talk to me and I looked forward to and prepared for pediatrician visits as excitedly as a night out clubbing.

So we went to the park with water, and it was really just a lake that has a slide on the beach. I went swimming at lakes a lot as a child and I don’t remember anything except that it was fun and sometimes there were fish. But now that I am older I notice that lakes are pretty disgusting and spending the afternoon at one will make you feel filthy.

Joey loved the lake and didn’t even notice the murky reddish-brown water as he ran in and walked all the way out to the dock where the water was up to his chest. Why do I see small children of all ages clinging to their parents for dear life at every beach I’m at, while at the mere site of water at the edge of sand, my own son takes off like a bullet away from me and I have to trip over myself trailing after him and trying to keep up? The child is 20 months old and has fear of nothing, including bugs, thunder, strangers and especially water.

We played in the water for a while until Joey discovered the pure joy of scooping handfuls of sludgy sand off the bottom of the lake and first rubbing it all over my legs and then flinging it up toward my face. Eli hung out on the dock since he had conveniently forgotten to bring his swimsuit and I had to stay in the lake with Joey to make sure he didn’t drown himself. 

And even though I came home smelling like the inside of a dirty sock, it was worth it because the boy had a blast and standing around in the dirty lake all afternoon really helped even out my tan since my back was to the sun most of the time. Because of all this outdoor activity lately I am achieving better tan than I’ve had in years. To help things along I bought some Hemp lotion with a “touch of sunless tanner” and I’ve been smoothing it on my skin at night and going to bed smelling like candy. But this morning when Eli saw the bottle in the bathroom he told me I should lay off the Hemp lotion because it might skew my upcoming drug tests. I laughed and told him he was a moron. And I busted out a little science on his ass to show him I wasn’t scared. But that isn’t going to keep me from googling Hemp Lotion tonight to make sure I know what I’m talking about. The only drug test I would fail is one designed to check for caffeine and antidepressants.

Speaking of antidepressants, the drugs have been giving me problems lately. I don’t know if it’s because of the stress in my life right now or if I’m tipping out of balance again. It is not helping that Joey and Eli have become very cliquish lately since Eli has been around so much during his vacation. Anyway, my next shrink appointment should be interesting when I tell her my theory that there is no amount of medicine to save me from myself.

Comments

[Resident EROCK]

I'm new here and can't find the bathroom... Oh there it is! What witty witticisms scrawled on these walls! Thank you for the humor. I'm gonna link to your page - funnyness makes me happier than getting tickled. Or kicking mean people. Keep the good stuff flowing!