Background Noise: things that happened today

Took my thirty pound toddler for a long walk in the neighborhood and forgot to anticipate that he may get tired and refuse to walk home. When I realized I had no way to drag him behind me, I had to pick him up and carry him home. Uphill

Went to the pharmacy to pick up a refill on my prescription and let the technician search for my pills for ten whole minutes before realizing I was at the wrong pharmacy.

Read the Better Homes and Gardens magazine someone left in my car and spent the rest of the day wishing I had a better home. And garden.

Considered saving time by creating a posting on craigslist featuring my talents and letting the employers come to me. Thought about the tone of the post and wondered briefly about honey and vinegar. And which catches the best flies.

Joey pulled my container of coffeemate off the counter this morning and covered himself in powdered non-dairy creamer from forehead to waist. I heard the thump and then he turned around and blinked his snowy eyelashes and stared at me like he couldn’t believe what was happening. I blew him off, wiped the white dust from his eyes and around his nostrils and then fell on the floor laughing. And I think Joey is starting to understand that sometimes mama laughs not because something is genuinely funny, but because she has a mean spirit because he stomped away from me and then turned around with his lips rolled into an unhappy frown of betrayal and started crying.

Gave my child cookies because I hurt his feelings.

Shopped for a music CD for my teenaged niece and felt old when I had to bring the piece of paper she wrote the name of the band on to the store with me because I’ve never heard of them.

Went to Target to buy a birthday card and a gift. Bought a card and a gift. These are the things I almost also bought in Target but did not because I don’t have the money for frivolous extras: James Blunt CD, Sesame Street Sings the Alphabet DVD, new blush brush, set of martini glasses, pack of gum.

Watched an old episode of The Office on Tivo and decided to put Eli’s brush in jello. As a surprise.

Saw that someone came to my page on a search for “intentional noise torture by neighbors” and thought about writing a blog post about how to kill noisy neighbors without leaving a trace. As a reference.

Eli walked into the room while I had this site up on my laptop screen and said, “Oh gross, what are you looking at???” Realized that even kind men can be insensitive jerks at times.

Invited friends over to play monopoly.

Contemplated how sad my life is that not only am I going to spend my Saturday night playing monopoly, but that I’m so into it I’ve already called dibs on the race car.