resisting mr. mom

My laptop is dead and I’ve decided that no matter how tempting, I will not use my work computer for this. I work in a highly regulated environment where everything is tapped in the interest of preserving company confidentiality, so before I do anything questionable I always run it through my head and try to imagine myself explaining it to a conference room full of people. Which is why I still visit certain blogs and I also read celebrity news at work--a girl’s gotta live! And I have no problem defending my right to E! celebrity news in the workplace. But updating my journal at work is not something I ever want to explain to anyone because it is too weird.

Anyway, work has been great. I went to my first teambuilder this week, and imagine my surprise when I realized that the word “teambuilder” meant I had to take a whole day off work and go to a baseball game, drink beer and then go to lunch at a bar with more beer. As I’ve probably mentioned before, I hate baseball. But I love beer and being outside in the sun and also bars and free food. So it was a very nice field trip. And much better than running around an obstacle course, or sitting in a room all day sharing feelings with my coworkers, which is what I always thought teambuilding was about. 

Yeah work is going really well, but adjusting to the new schedule around here has been difficult for all of us. Joey hates daycare, Eli hates that he has to take more responsibility for things around here because I am working, and I’m just trying to figure out how to do this without everything falling apart. In our household I have always had the least important job. And by that I mean that my job is usually the one that pays least, sucks most and is not essential to our financial security. But now that has changed and I am less willing to take everything else on by myself so that I can feel better about not contributing as much financially. So on Friday morning, after Joey had been up all night screaming his face off because he has a cold, Eli and I had it out about who would stay home with him. Eli was all set to go to work and I guess he just assumed that I would do like I always do and bend myself into a pretzel trying to work everything out. But I had a meeting and a training class and a project to finish, and also I have been at my job for only three weeks. We talked about this a lot when I was looking for a job, how things would be different and we’d both have to make some sacrifices. But as soon as the first conflict came up we’re suddenly having a fight straight out of the 50s.

I thought we’d worked it out earlier in the week when Eli announced one night before bed that he had an early dentist appointment and that I would have to take Joey to daycare in the morning. We have an agreement that he drops off and I pick up, and I’ve set up my schedule at work to accommodate that. So Eli had a dentist appointment that would totally fuck up the schedule and instead of picking up the phone and rescheduling it, he decided that I would just rearrange everything to make it work. I felt my blood start to rev up and instead of saying something mean I just said, “No.” This pissed Eli off and we got into a heated fight about why I am such a bitch and why he is such an insensitive fuck. It went on for hours, but it finally came down to the fact that Joey only goes to daycare two days each week, Eli’s dentist has him on some kind of year-long dental schedule that requires he go there like once a month for continued work, and how fucking hard is it to just pick up the damn phone and reschedule for a day that will not fuck up everyone else’s life???

“Why didn’t you just say that?” “Because you should KNOW THAT ALREADY.”

It was awful and I went to work the next day feeling all kinds of ugly things about my marriage. But when I got home that night I walked into a spotless house, there were a dozen roses in a vase on the table and there was beer chicken and corn on the cob cooking away on the grill for dinner. And if I continue on the path I am currently on, and things work out, I would be so happy to take over financial responsibility for the family and let Eli stay home and be my househusband. Because there is nothing better than coming home to a clean house and a nice dinner that I didn’t cook. I think a lot less women would be on antidepressants if we all had our own househusband to look after things while we’re out in the world. It’s our turn, man.

Comments

[sherry]

I am so selfishly happy that you had a chance to update, because MAN I have missed reading you.

I'm glad things at the job seem to be going well. Teambuiding is fun when it's not dorky shit - we once went to an indoor paintball place, shot the CRAP out of each other, then went to a bar for beer and nachos and it just rocked. I don't know if it built a better team but it was a fun Friday night, that's for sure.

Sometimes I fantasize about getting a full time job so I can make money and also not have to feel guilty about not cleaning up. I would be thrilled about a spotless home and some good food that were all waiting for my arrival!

[Mallika]

I'm also selfishly delighted about an update. I've missed reading about your life.

I'm really sorry about the chaotic craziness of the adjustment period at home. Sounds pretty awful for all of you. I hope it settles down soon.

Glad the job seems to be going pretty well!

[hubs]

i have found that it is often best to assume that your partner never "should KNOW THAT ALREADY." and that they basically know nothing at all.

[andrea]

I'm glad you like your new job!

It's not very girl-power of me but I want the exact opposite of what you talked about. I want to stay home and take care of all the cleaning, cooking, etc. I'm sick of going out into the world every damn day. Plus, I like my dogs a whole lot better than I like my job.

[Kathy]

I dream of a Househusband. Unfortunately, were I to be the working one, this place would look any better than I have it looking right now. Lucky!